I want to put a disclaimer at the beginning and be very clear about something. When I ask if we should accept who we are, I am not talking about self-respect or self-love. If we don't first have self-respect or self-love, then we will never want to improve. What I will be talking about is whether or not we should be accepting things about ourselves that are bad, things that we don't like, or things that don't benefit us. 

PERSONALITY TESTING? 

Let’s talk about labels; labels that others put on us or labels we put on ourselves. Personality quizzes are all the rage because they are supposed to tell us “who we are.” What is your MBTI type? Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Are you a giver or a taker? Which Harry Potter character are you? What food condiment are you? The list goes on and on. 

While I may later dedicate an article explaining that research shows that most of these personality tests (even including the all-popular Myers–Briggs Type Indicator) are dubious, have no objective gauge, and only tells you repackaged information of what you first tell it; this isn’t the focus on today’s article. Rather, today, I want to talk about who you are and who you want to be. 

Instead of using labels to explain behavior, we have found a way to use labels to justify our current (bad) behavior. For example, someone who labels themselves as an introvert may excuse their lack of sales or work activity because that just “isn’t who they are.” Someone who labels themselves as an extrovert or outspoken may excuse their rude behavior or lack of tact in communication because that “is who they are.” Someone once said that they took a personality test and they scored as “the commander.” Thus, everyone at work should follow them and do what they say. 

Aside from most labels being predominately based upon false presuppositions and shoddy pseudoscience, let’s assume that somehow all the labels you currently believe about yourself are indeed true. Does that make it right? Does that mean we should accept it? Does it excuse our behavior?  

THE EVER-CHANGING PERSONALITY

One of the many underlining problems with trying to label personalities is that personalities are a continuum, ever-changing and ever-evolving. Research has shown that people are who they are based upon repeated thought and behavioral patterns. If people consistently change both their thought and behavioral patterns, then, over a period of time, they will become different. As Scott Barry Kaufman said: 

“Genes certainly influence patterns of behavior (we have what Brian Little refers to as a “biogenic” nature), but there is nothing sacrosanct about being a certain way. With enough adjustments to these patterns over time, it seems that people can change who they are” (The Atlantic, Can Personality Be Changed, July 2016). 

With enough practice of changing both thought and behavioral patterns, the good news is that you can truly be whoever or whatever you want to be. You are not locked in or boxed in by labels. In fact, you can choose which labels you want to become and allow labels to enhance your personality. This is the really neat part. We truly end up becoming what we think we already are. We live up to what we tell ourselves. 

If you think you are hardworking, you work harder. If you believe you are organized, you dedicate more time to organization. The opposite is also true. If you believe you are lazy, then you become lazier. In fact, believing you’re lazy justifies your laziness which in turn makes you lazier. See how this cycle of thought and behavior pattern works – both for the better or worse?

CONCLUSION

You may be thinking to yourself, "But Kevin, I can't change. I am just not a motivated person." See there? You're doing it right now. You're negatively labeling yourself and allowing that to become your excuse as to why you can't improve.

If there are areas in which you realize you need improvement, and you have been using labels to justify your lack of improvement, now is the time to realize you can begin to change. It takes time and practice, but you can do it. If you're going to label yourself, label yourself as adaptable and awesome, and start adapting yourself to a whole new level of awesomeness. 

Kevin Pendergrass